"Just naturally blabby, I guess."

[kageygirl]

Rambly ramble. I suspect I'm procrastinating my ass off, which is one of the few things that gets me past feeling like a giant goober whenever I post... well, anything. ::winces::

I've been avoiding the "how I didn't do what I wanted with that story" meme like the plague, because... on some level, probably everything I've ever posted has either ended up going a different direction than I originally envisioned, or not quite done what I wanted it to do, but if I actually start breaking stories down and explaining which ones I fucked up where, maching_monkey will probably kick me in the head. Repeatedly.

Also, once something's been posted, I've essentially given up, tied a tourniquet around the wound and tried to pretend it didn't hurt. I don't really feel like picking the scab off now, and maybe that's weenie and pathetic of me, but I've been stressing over the job hunt, so I will indulge my own intransigence in this regard. *g*

Speaking of the job hunt... we are not speaking of the job hunt. Writing cover letters for jobs I don't want is giving me massive tension headaches, and when I can't even get an acknowledgement that they received my resume, let alone an interview--well, it's not doing wonders for my sense of self-worth. Moving on.

ane posted a link to some very nice Justice League slash, which, in conjunction with my picking up Superman/Batman: Public Enemies, seems to have reignited my comic-book love. I'm cyclically obsessive, I've decided; my loves may wax and wane, but they are never truly gone unless TPTB pretty much murder them. (coughEnterprisecough, coughX-Filescough). And, seriously: why did no one ever tell me that the Superman/Batman series is really Superman SLASH Batman? I mean, jeebus--Clark sometimes wants Bruce to stop the superhero gig, 'cause he's only human and could get killed so easily, and Bruce is all snarking at Clark in his head while he's trying to dig a kryptonite bullet out of his chest, bitching at Clark for not realizing his own vulnerabilities...

Now I am waiting impatiently for the next two story arcs to come out in paperback. (though my temporary obsession this second is Batman/Flash, actually. Recs? Archives? I'm rationing out Shrift and Te's stuff, for I have learned the heartbreak of sucking down all the extant fic too quickly. *g*)

Ended up in Toys R Us yesterday, hunting Justice League DVDs. This despite the fact that I loathe releases of a few eps at a time--give me full-season releases, damn you all. And I instantly turned 6.

Me: Ooh. JL action figures.
Smarter me: No. You own enough crap.
Me: But they're neat.
Smarter me: No.
Me: Look, they've bundled the ten-inch figures together, 2 for $15. They've got Batman and Flash togethe--
Smarter me: No.
Me: I could put them in suggestive poses...
Smarter me: Not enough points of articulation. Also, no. We're going over here.
Me: Star Wars Legos!!!
Smarter me: Oh, Christ. No.
Me: It's the Imperial Shuttle!
Smarter me: Step away from the display.
Me: But the Imperial Shuttle is so fucking cool! And it has 4 little Lego Stormtroopers, and 2 Lego Imperial Guards! Plus the Lego Emperor and Lego Darth Vader and Lego Random Imperial Officer guy!
Smarter me: It's $50. No.
Me: Fine. But look--Swing Kids on DVD for $8! Wilson and Batman and gay Nazi-opposing dancing!
Smarter me: OK. Fine. Whatever. Yes, you can have that.
Me: Ooh! Dark chocolate peanut M&M's!
Smarter me: Oh, fuck me.

The comic-book love is also making me ponder the novel again. (In my head, part of me has just fallen over laughing hysterically, because in what universe do I have that kind of time? I'm not now doing all the things I'm supposed to be doing. Also, it's completely unmarketable and without redeeming social value. Go me!)

Of course, god forbid this temporary obsessive flare would oh, say, knock out the SGA obsession. Hell, no, that's still going insanely strong. Am trying to finish this thing that I've been working on since fucking November for the Kink/Cliche Challenge. I think it's officially my porniest fic ever. ::weak, MP-&-the-Holy-Grail-esque "yay":: Also, probably heinously cliche-riddled, but, see challenge. Not that all the cliches are the ones I was assigned or anything, but I can pretend.

And I have to finish this before I am allowed to work on the damn stupid omfg, WHY do you do this to yourself? grad student thing. Which is going to kill me dead, I can tell now. Though that may just be because I have developed a conviction that I cannot plot, because Plot Is Scary. *g*

In addition to the spirit-crushingness of the job hunt, which makes me want to wrap my arms around my knees and rock back and forth on the couch, whimpering occasionally, my work computer spent Wednesday through Friday in various states of not-working/blowed-upedness, so I have fallen all behind on LJ and been very hit-or-miss with responding to people and following intriguing conversations. Sigh.

And now, I think I need oatmeal.

Comments

[teaphile.livejournal.com]

Not that all the cliches are the ones I was assigned or anything, but I can pretend.

Hee. Yeah, I neglected to kill a few cliches that crept in, because hey, cliche challenge. And sometimes cliches and my personal kinks overlap.

[kageygirl.livejournal.com]

I figure they wouldn't be cliches if they weren't so popular that they showed up all the time. ... Right? *g*

[teaphile.livejournal.com]

Oh, absolutely.

[rosewildeirish.livejournal.com]

Looking for a job sucks. From the sound of things, you still have a job at the moment? Which is both good and bad. Thing I've found is, the Black Hole Your Resume Falls Into is a common state nowadays. It's just a sign of the times, and not a particularly good one, either. Many very talented people are in the same boat - and quite frankly, I can't see that any employer wouldn't realize what strengths and good points you have, so I'm hoping for a quick turnaround of fortune for you. :) But in any case, don't take it as a failing on your part when that happens. It's not you. It's the state of the world (and workforce) today.

Kind of kills me to hear you speak of your writing that way, though. I adore what you do and how you phrase things, and the idea that what you post is in any way a failure in your mind...man, that's a kick in the gut to me, because the reaction I have to your writing is something I aspire to instill in my own. If that makes sense. If not, well, brain has been shut off due to back pain for most of the day and is reluctant to start now. *g* Suffice to say, I love your stuff. Massively.

[kageygirl.livejournal.com]

the Black Hole Your Resume Falls Into is a common state nowadays.

I've kind of been hoping that was the case, and that it wasn't just me, so that's good to hear. *g* Yeah, I still have my current job--the funny thing is, I'm almost unfireable because they've let so many people go, but the job itself is just badness.

man, that's a kick in the gut to me

I'm sorry! I'm definitely down on myself because of the job thing--it's not that I feel like a total loser failure (well, most of the time it's not), I just rarely seem to end up doing what I'd planned to do at the start, which makes me feel odd and, uh, like I can't plan well. Or something. But thank you, really, and I didn't mean to make anyone else feel bad, honest. I'm so much more harsh a critic of myself than I am of anyone else, ever.

[rosewildeirish.livejournal.com]

It's not just you. In fact, my current theory is that in this age of sue-happy folks, employers have lost the ability to recognize good people...or at least have no idea how to handle them. Slacker, crappy employees, now, those they know how to deal with. ;)

Rarely seming to end up doing what you planned happens to me, too. I figure it's part of the journey of writing, and probably a sign of good writing (I hope) because it means the story takes on a life of its own. It's no longer 'yours'; it belongs to itself. And I think everyone is their own worst critic; you're in with a few other really topnotch writers whose stuff I love, who keep talking about how much they hate their own stuff or how it frustrates them or isn't what they want it to be. Which is puzzling as I love the stuff you and they post, and it's irritating, because I don't think I'm at that same leve and would like to be, and frustrating because I feel like it's now my duty to make you (and the rest of 'em) see how much of an impact their writing has. *g*

[misspamela.livejournal.com]

*hugs* on the job hunt thing. I feel your pain. If you need any help/advice/resme editing, I am really pathetically experienced in that area.

Me: Ooh! Dark chocolate peanut M&M's!
Smarter me: Oh, fuck me.

Stupid Me bought Jedi M&M's because they were...Jedi M&M's. Never mind that they're the exact same M&M's, but in different colors.

[kageygirl.livejournal.com]

If you need any help/advice/resme editing, I am really pathetically experienced in that area.

Oh, thank you. I hate the whole process so much that I have to do, like, one tiny thing a day. In some ways, I wish I weren't currently employed, because then the motivation to get a new job would be much greater, but at the moment it's a matter of balancing the evils, y'know?

Never mind that they're the exact same M&M's, but in different colors.

It's that shiny hypnotic foil packaging. Clever marketing bastards.

[a_starfish]

Mmm shiny and hypnotic are always a winner. All they need now are packets that change colour when you touch them according to body heat or some of that wonderfully sparkly graphicy foily stuff. (can't remember its name!)

[misspamela.livejournal.com]

In some ways, I wish I weren't currently employed, because then the motivation to get a new job would be much greater, but at the moment it's a matter of balancing the evils, y'know?

As someone who is job-hunting while having a job? I totally know.

[aithine]

Right there with you both. Working on the Hellmouth while trying to find a new, non-Hellmouth job just sucks the life right out of you. Luck to us all. :)

[chopchica.livejournal.com]

Am trying to finish this thing that I've been working on since fucking November for the Kink/Cliche Challenge. I think it's officially my porniest fic ever

Not that I pulled any strings to get the writers I liked assigned kinks I liked. I'd never do anything like that. So if you got assigned kinks you hate, you know who not to blame.

I'm so excited for this challenge!

[kageygirl.livejournal.com]

Bwahahahaha! See, you have no idea how much I admire and appreciate that sort of Machiavellian manipulation, that, uh, didn't happen here. ::applauds::

Actually, to one of my assignments, I said, "oh, hell yes," so, thank you. *eg*

[chopchica.livejournal.com]

Hee! I got some special dispensation because way back when, I whined about there never being any kink-oriented challenges, and svmadelyn took my idea and claimed it for her own ran with it. So in return, I pestered for my favorite authors to get the good kinks. And then I posted in my journal in hopes that some of those authors would then bop on over and sign up.

All of my plans worked! And then I didn't even bother to sign up myself! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

[kageygirl.livejournal.com]

::giggles:: Way to work the system. I am indeed impressed. *g*

[chopchica.livejournal.com]

It is indeed a rare talent. That, and the ability to piss off people that I couldn't give two shits about, wherever I may go. It's like my superpower!

[gypsy86.livejournal.com]

I was oddly unimpressed with the Dark Chocolate M&Ms. I think I prefer my M&Ms milk chocolate, aka light side of the Force. I am apparently a hopeless do-gooder.

grad student thing? *is out of the loop*

[kageygirl.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure how much of the chocolate I can really taste, what with the peanutness of them. I'll need to track down some non-peanut dark chocolate ones to really compare. But I do think I like the brighter colors better.

That's the "Rodney as grad student TA" fic. I was horribly, horribly coerced by, uh, people talking.

[gypsy86.livejournal.com]

I only eat peanut M&Ms nowadays, due to the protein. Of course, I'm not supposed to eat them at all. You'll have to let me know if the non-peanut variety are any better. ;)

ah. I knew that, I had just forgotten about it. *ahem*

[maching-monkey.livejournal.com]

Yes, I would kick you in the head repeatedly. But with love. And you know why. ;->

You can plot. I know you can plot because I've read it. And I'm sure your novel idea would be terrific. 'Nuff said. ;->

I'm really sorry the job search isn't going well as yet. I hope that changes very soon.

[kageygirl.livejournal.com]

Oh, well, as long as there's love... *g*

I used to be able to plot. Once upon a time. I really do fear I've forgotten how, in a way that I know is ridiculous--and yet, there it is. I may have to bring back the index cards, though. Hopefully just the plain ones, not the color-coded ones. *g*

really, the worst part is that I get so tense about the process that I get these nauseating tension headaches. it's total negative reinforcement.

[maching-monkey.livejournal.com]

There is always love. :-)

I wish I could do something about your headaches. Would it help at all that I actually looked up the definition of 'Plot' last night in my husband's Shorter Oxford English Dictionary and found out that all it is, is "the interconnection of events in a narrative?" (To paraphrase, but only slightly.) In my much humbler, writerly definition, all that a plot has to be is the sequence of events that gets the characters from where they start at the beginning of the story to where you need them to end up at the end of it. You do this all the time, with beauty and brilliance. Things--as I have said more than once--do not have to be large to be good. You yourself are a perfect example than that (being more tiny than I am ::g::), and so is your writing.

Leah

[ophidiae.livejournal.com]

Me: It's the Imperial Shuttle!
Smarter me: Step away from the display.
Me: But the Imperial Shuttle is so fucking cool! And it has 4 little Lego Stormtroopers, and 2 Lego Imperial Guards! Plus the Lego Emperor and Lego Darth Vader and Lego Random Imperial Officer guy!
Smarter me: It's $50. No.
Me: Fine. But look--Swing Kids on DVD for $8! Wilson and Batman and gay Nazi-opposing dancing!
Smarter me: OK. Fine. Whatever. Yes, you can have that.
Me: Ooh! Dark chocolate peanut M&M's!
Smarter me: Oh, fuck me.

Oh, dear God. Have you been spying in my head? No, really. Have you? Because, dude, I have had very similar arguments with myself.

[a_starfish]

This is way OT but I LOVE your icon...it had me in hysterics just now :D

[kageygirl.livejournal.com]

The worst part is when the 6-year-old wins, and then 15 minutes later, I get my brain back, and then it's all, "What the hell did I just do</i?"

[ane.livejournal.com]

Not nearly enough Bruce/Wally in the world.*sigh* Have you bookmarked this (http://www.livejournal.com/tools/memories.bml?user=dcfic_index&keyword=Bruce/Wally&filter=all)?

I read the first few Superman/Batman comics but didn't manage to keep reading them. I kinda remember commenting that they were appropriately titled. *g* The TPs would be way down on my 'to buy' list though, new Nightwing coming out soon and then the rest of War Games. Just got War Games Act One and it will be coming with me to the field this week.

I remember noticing that deepdiscountdvd.com had some of the JL dvds pretty cheap. I think I have them on my wish list. Maybe next time I order a dvd season I'll actually slip one of those in, of course I still haven't managed to buy the Batman: the animated series dvd sets either. I do have almost all of them taped but I haven't watched them recently. JLUnlimited just isn't the same.

[kageygirl.livejournal.com]

Ooh, I hadn't had that bookmarked before, but I do now. Thanks!

I'm getting B:TAS v.3 when it comes out next week as my reward for finishing the Kink/Cliche challenge thing. (er, therefore I must finish it...)

Yeah, JLU is kind of disappointing. I keep telling The Boy, "You know what this show needs? More Batman." And Flash has had, like, one speaking part in one episode, and despite the Ioan Gryffudd voice work, that ep bored the crap out of me.

[munchkinott.livejournal.com]

That's me in Toys R Us.

I have to be hauled, by friends (by MANY friends), with physical force and no understanding or even LISTENING to my plaintive cries for mercy... From the LotR/Star Wars action figures aisle.

And don't even START ME on the Action Man stuff. (I see a 1 inch working grappling hook and miniature handgun and I become 6 years old... AGAIN)

[kageygirl.livejournal.com]

LOL.

I've only been physically carried away once, when I was in a mall in high school. It was outside one of those knife stores, and all I did was look at the big motorized Swiss Army Knife mock-up, and my two male friends looked at each other, grabbed an arm each, and carried me past the store.

Sheesh. Some people get so nervous...

[thepouncer.livejournal.com]

I have the Lego Tie-fighter, which came with Darth Vader. His lightsaber glows red when you push his helmet down.

You might have talked me into the Imperial Shuttle.

[kageygirl.livejournal.com]

It glows red? OMG, that's too cool.

The Imperial Shuttle was massively cool. Very tempting, and way more affordable that the giant collector's series Star Wars Lego sets they sell in the specialty store nearby (damn you, Lego, and your tempting, tempting toys).

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

Me: I could put them in suggestive poses...
Smarter me: Not enough points of articulation. Also, no. We're going over here.
Yep, smarter-you is right - better pay more and get those whose limbs are bendy. *leer*

[kageygirl.livejournal.com]

::giggles:: Ahem. I mean, not that I would or anything, because that might be Wrong.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

W00t?! Pah. Last year I finally got some figures (poor deprived me) and that's the only thing I did with them.



Nightwing's leg came off right away though.

[reedfem.livejournal.com]

I really like your brain. Both of them.

I hope things start looking better for you.


Personally, I'm saving up for the impending release of Atlantis action figures...

::hugs and nerf bats::

[kageygirl.livejournal.com]

Oh god, I'm so there with the Atlantis figures, too. That's a given. *g*

::hugs back::

[jenlev.livejournal.com]

sending you good thoughts and *hugs*. i hope that the job hunt goes better, and that the computer works.

{{{more hugs}}}

ps. "Step away from the display." bwahaha!

[kageygirl.livejournal.com]

::hugs back::

The computer at least seems to be behaving today thus letting me write porn instead of working. *eg*

[jenlev.livejournal.com]

hee! well, good that you're doing something useful with the frelling thing. *veg*

ps. i read this at work during my lunch break (i can't post from there, but i can check my email on my server) and about fell out of my chair laughing. ;)

[randommagic.livejournal.com]

*waves* Hi, I friended you a little while back and I've just realised that you friended me back (sometimes I think if I was any slower I'd stop!), so I figured I'd say hi. :)

I've been working my way through the SGA stories on your site, and I have to say you completely blow me away. You have the characters voices down so well, and I love your John voice, more than words can say. So I pretty much squeed out loud when I realised that you're doing the kink/cliche challenge!

Hope the job hunting goes better, it's never a fun thing to do.

[kageygirl.livejournal.com]

Hi! *g*

Oh, thank you so much! I just hope the kink/cliche fic comes out all right--it's been a bit uncooperative. *g*

Thanks for the good wishes, too. *g*